OC Evaluation
by SirDonutMcMuffin
Summary: Back from the grave and prepared to help all who seek it! Have you ever thought 'Is my oc a Mary Sue/Gary Stu' but had no way to tell on your own? Well, worry not dear friend, for a talking Donut is here to assist you! (May go on hiatus' without warning; Submissions no longer being accepted via review. Please send via PM from now on)
1. Intro

Ever wondered, 'Is my OC a Mary Sue/Gary Stu?', well if you have, then I've got some salvation here for you! Which is back from the grave after a year or so of being gone, I bring to you, dear friends, a Total Drama OC Evaluation!

There are no rules on who you can, and cannot submit, go nuts. I'm bored and need to re-enter myself into the Total Drama fandom in some way, and this is gonna be it.(All I've been doing id drawing my own ocs which ain't gonna make me very popular, ya feel?)

All oyu have to do to get an evaluation from me is to either send it via reviews, or PM me, and tell me whether you would be okay with me publishing it as a chapter, or if you would prefer me keep it to myself.

I'll do my best to point out faults, and help you to correct them if you wish, but if you don't want my help, and just want me to point stuff out, lemme know.

If you don't want me to point out any faults at all, and just give you the overall 'Is my character a sue, or no?' then yeah, again, just tell me.

Feel free to use send in your character using whatever skeleton you feel comfortable using, as I have no complaints.

If there's any thing special you want me to pay more attention to, tell me. Backstory bugging you? I can help even it out. Personality feel bland and impersonal? Heck, I can help with that, too. Design not up to standard? HAHA. Lemme pull out my good 'ol tablet and help you out, friendo. Wanna try for mental disorders but don't know how to portray one right? You came to the right person.

I can help with whatever, as i figure myself to be somewhat of an OC expert, considering the vast amount I've done, both for TD and for other fandoms. All of which, haven't fallen into suedom once(A few have fallen into anti-sue territory but I fixed 'em), so yeah.

Thanks for reading, and I hope to be able to help you with your oc sometime soon ;0


	2. Romulus Frobisher

This is my favorite OC, but I don't want him to just be overkill. What are your opinions?

Name: Romulus Frobisher (_Cute name!)_

Nickname: None, though some call him "Rommie", much to his chargin.

Gender: male

Stereotype: The Machiavellian Schemer (_A strerotype that says 'hey I'm pretty evil' but doesn't have the word evil, or asshole in it? I'm in love already)_

Appearance: Romulus resembles how you'd expect a person of his status to look: loosely tousled brown hair, a swarthy, tanned complexion (spray tanned on, of course), and a narrow, lean build that makes him resemble an alley cat. He takes great care in his appearance, as (to him) looking good can sway people into trusting you. His beauty, however artificial it may be, is compounded by his perpetual smirk of cruelty. His eyes are pale blue, the exact color of frostbite. _(Nice description! As someone who loves seeing brief, yet well written, descriptions of appearance and such, it's just... I can't think of any fancy words to describe this so let's go with 'Bitchin'.)_

Clothes: born in Midtown Manhattan, Romulus seems to embody the cold, catty nature of upscale New York. His regular ensemble, a form-fitting dress shirt and grey pants, are covered up by a black, double-breasted pea jacket and a grey scarf. He also wears black loafers (Italian leather, naturally), and white, silk handkerchief.

Bathing suit: A designer black suit that looks rather bulky on his slender frame.

Pajamas: he wears a professionally tailored set of black sleeping pants and a white, open-sleeved shirt.

Notable traits: his aforementioned, Cheshire Cat smirk, and his eyes.

Personality: The firstborn son of a corrupted corporate leader in Midtown Manhattan, Romulus learned early on that only the strong survive in this world. He enjoys sitting in a place of power, and will lie and scheme and manipulate others left and right to achieve his means. The emotions of others rarely concern him, calling them 'collateral damage', and will gladly step aside while the masses eliminate those who considers themselves as his friend. His cold, cunning side is masked to the public beneath a kind, cooperative facade. His one redeeming quality is his devotion. Though he may falsely align himself with anyone and everyone, only to coldly betray them when they have outlived their use, you can bet that Romulus will do his best in any challenge thrown at him. (_Okay, so this is gonna be me starting to be kind of nit-picky. The whole 'Manipulative bastard' schtick has been done a million times before, and to some avail, while others have failed miserably in their portrayal. This trope can be done well, or it can become the bane of any writers existance. To help ease the pain of having to deal with one of these characters, it's best to add in some traits that equal out the 'evil' and 'cunnning'-ness. Maybe give him something he loves OTHER then power, so he isn't a one trick pony. Like for example, my own oc who falls into this trope. Ze has a fondness of swimming, and has worked hard to become a decent swimmer, as ze was never that great at being in water without sinking like a stone. He can love a pet, a hobby, nature, you know, thing sthat seem peaceful and nice compared to his overall terrifying personality.)_

Phobias: Because Romulus has been pampered most of his life, there is much he has no fear about. However, he does fear the one thing that Father's money can't save him from: doctors. He will essentially freeze and shiver like a startled cat if he sees one, and will cry silently if given a physical examination. Back home, a servant would have to restrain him during yearly check-ups. (_Now this a good one! Most people skip over the explanation of the phobia, which is just... Eugh. But you didn't! One thing, though, is how did he get said phobia? Did something happen to make him afraid? Does the mere smell of a hospital make his stomach turn and toss? Does being near a doctor off duty make him nervous? It's always best to explain to the best of your ability what happens other then just the simple 'he afaird of such and such and reacts in this way when something having to do with it happens'. I know it probably won't be appreciated by some writers, but to others who put detail into what they write about, it'll be like godsend.)_

Likes: exploitation of the stupid, humiliation of his enemies, attaining and maintaining a position of power amongst his peers. _( For his personality, this is pretty standard. Not much I can say about it.)_

Dislikes: being confronted, being powerless over strong-willed people, and suffering rejection.

Talents: Romulus was exposed to classic literature and theatre early on, and soon developed a talent for singing and piano playing. His greatest talent is his acting, and he can trick almost anyone to trusting in him, only to stab them in the back. _(Again, standard for his personality and stereotype. Talents aren't really something that is developed, it's something that people are born with- SOme people have a talent for writing, some have a talent for acting, some have a talent for kazoo playing- Romulus can play the piano, and sing, but his true talents lay with his acting. He doesn't seem to have been born with the Piano gene, or the singer gene, but instead the acting gene. Which is obvious from his personality. Maybe change it so it shows this?)_

NOT Talents: though he'll navel admit it, Romulus is untalented in many areas. He is not athletic, nor can he cook or play a sport. If there is a physical challenge, Romulus will trick someone else into doing all the work whist he heaps empty praises on them from the sidelines. _(Ah-ha, yes good! Not being good at being active and athletic is a good downfall, as too many people have taken to making their characters be 'book worms' of some variety, but yet they are athletically gifted. Romulus being non-athletic is probably a good thing, as if he were athletic, I would have a bone to pick with you!)_

Short history: Romulus was born in Manhattan to a wealthy business couple who raised him as an heir and not a son. His father, a CEO who was more concerned chasing the almighty dollar than running an honest business, taught him by extreme means that people were merely tools for those with ambition to play with. Never shown real love or affection, Romulus developed a cold, distant attitude and began manipulating his childhood friends like puppets. Seventeen years later, here he is, ready to take over the world of business with no one in mind but himself. _(Hmm, alright, since the skeleton said 'short history' I can't get on you for lack of details. And honestly, it seems good. If having to do a longer one, though, maybe add in a few things that would help him develop his current personality? It's always better to be prepared for the long haul when it comes to OCs, as you never know when you might need to have details about ones childhood/developement.)_

Why TDI: How much fun would it be to completely manipulate a whole new flock of idiots out of a small fortune? (_Beautiful)_

Audition Tape: Through the slotted part of a high school locker, we see a young man with olive skin through the eye of a camera. He stands nonchalant against said locker as a burly-looking student approaches him.

"So Frobisher, you got what I'm payin' you for?"

"Right here," the boy says, withdrawing a file from the inside of his jacket. "The answers to the Algebra II final."

With a grunt of approval, the broader student takes the file and tosses a large wad of money at Romulus, who watches a teacher approach. His client, however, doesn't see. Romulus allows himself a quick smirk before plunging his face into a concerned look.

"Look, cheating is wrong," he says in voice just loud enough for the teacher to hear. "You should just go and return that file to the office. Tell them you found it in the hallway of something."

Before the unfortunate client can catch on, he is nabbed. The large boy is only allowed look of intermingled shock and rage as he is led off. When he is gone, Romulus opens the locker, winks at the camera, and clicks it off.(_A good tape to show that, yes, he's an asshole. An asshole who is, ngl, kind of adorable.)_

Can your Character Drive: he can, but he doesn't usually. What with all the traffic in Manhattan, he is usually driven in a limo.

Challenge Suggestion/Request: brunch of disgustingness 2.0. That was a fairly straightforward challenge, and though body humor is disgusting, it's good for drawing a crowd.

Other: He would use the money to finance a corporate takeover, whatever is left over would be wasted on self-indulgence.

_Overall, he's what you'd expect out of his stereotype. Adding a few things to make him more original is a good thing, a sit would help him seem less like a standard trope of something that's been done time and time again over the years. He qualifies as a non-sue, but bland all the same. I like him personally, but that might not be the case with actual writers. Look at other characters who are like this, pick out their unique traits, set them aside, and shuffle through them and apply a few more traits to make him more likeable to an audience, and not other characters. You can make him more of an asshole, or give him more positive traits(I'd go for the latter, but if true asshole-dom is your thing, I say go for it.). If you need more help, check tvtropes, I find a lot of inspiration going through there._


	3. Aidan Luccio

Full Name: Aidan Luccio

Nickname: N/A

Date of Birth: September 3rd, 1993

Age: 20 (_I take it he was for an adult td?)_

Ethnicity: Italian

Hometown: San Fransisco, California

Occupation: Full-Time Student

Complexion: He has a Medium skin tone. A very light shade of Orange.

Body Height: 5'9"

Body Weight: 156lbs

Body Type: Lanky. Aidan has a lanky build but works out enough for muscle definition to be noticed.

Hair Style/Length and Hair Color: Aidan has Short, Straight and Casual style hair. The back and sides of his hair is clipper cut short and close to the head blending into the top that is jagged cut to achieve height and texture. His hair is bleach blonde and looks almost white in bright areas.

Eye Color/Shape: He has blue, slightly narrow eyes.

Distinct Facial Features: He has a beauty mark on the side of his right eye.

Piercings/Tattoos: He has gauges that are both size zero. Other than that he has no other types of body jewelry or tattoos.

Everyday Clothing: Aidan wears a White T-Shirt, that hugs his body, on top of that is a Black Cardigan which is unbuttoned. He also has on a pair of Black, Levi 510' Skinny Jeans with a Black and White, Checkered Belt going through all the loopholes. To complete this outfit he wears a pair of White Vans laced up with a White string. Finally, he has a chain with a couple of dog tags hanging from them and a silver chain hooked onto one of his belt loops on the right side that holds his wallet in place. _(Seems pretty average so far, ngl. Nothing much I can say)_

Background: Aidan grew up in a household where respect was a rarity and everyday living was trying to find the money for the next meal. He was born to Barry and Margret Luccio in the slums of San Fransisco and had no siblings or any other family that he knew of. His father was a drunk and his mother sold herself for money. They used to fight all the time leaving Aidan to leave the trailer frequently and get into trouble. When Aidan was 9 years old he met his Uncle Ronnie who was the closest thing to a crutch to lean on. A couple of months later, Ronnie molested Aidan and to this day that memory still haunts him. His father died of alcohol poisoning and because his mother had no time to spend with him, Aidan was virtually alone. By the time High School came around, Aidan learned how to take care of himself. He taught himself how to drive and came home to an empty house leaving him to invite his friends over for: "Passing The Joint" and engage in other bad activities. Sophomore year, Aidan was assigned a therapist who told him(Excuse my French) to "Stop the bullshit and focus on something more valuable in life." This was a huge wake up call for Aidan, he boggled down on his studies and was accepted into San Fransisco's School of the Arts where he Majored in Theater. He is now in his second year in college and his leaving the past behind. (_Pretty decent. But you focus on the bad stuff a tad too much -which i get, he's supposed to be from a bad place, and it's what his backstory calls for. But really, it'd help a lot to add highlights that can make him into who he is today. Neglect wouldn't exactly make him into a good person, as someone who has gone through neglect I know what it can do to a person. It sucks, and honestly makes people have a bitter taste if you bring up the wrong thing. A lot have hair pin triggers, and are known to lock themselves away from humanity to escape the distress of someone abandoning them again. So, again, maybe add something that made him happier? Did he have someone his age who could've been there for him after a certain point? Or was he truly alone, with not a single soul to give him cmfort in those trying times? Explain all that you can! Backstories are what makes, or breaks a character. It'll also help seal their personalit yinto that of realism and help connect others to him.)_

Personality: Aidan is actually a pretty nice guy despite the bad-ish persona. Aidan has a big heart and wears it on his sleeve because he would like to make up for all the times he was neglected as a kid. Aidan shows his emotions REALLY well and can't hide them to save his life, thus explaining the REALLY BAD anger issues he has when he is pushed slightly. He tries his best to make people feel good and get people somewhat involved in any activity he's participating in, so I guess you can call him a feel-gooder. He likes to make people feel good, obviously, and has the whole: "We just need to vibe and kick it" mentality. On the downside, he's quick to pop off if he feels the least bit disrespected and it's very hard to calm him down afterwards. He will throw things, he will punch glasses and he will throw fists if provoked enough. That's one of the issues he's hoping to work on while at the house. Overall, Aidan is a really good guy with a really bad temper when pushed enough. _(Hmm... I can see how his backstory would make him into this type of person- But you need to add more! He has only two traits that you focused on. If you want him to believeable you should consider adding more, instead of jsut giving him two and focusing on them then saying 'ey ok thats a wrap'. Cause, you know, that's boring. Give him traits that make him more... human. You'll be happy you did when people aren't just focusing on these two little things. A good example is Dio Brando of Jojo's Bizarre Adventure. He went through neglect, abuse, and had to watch his father drown away all of the love of his mother up until her death, and then continue to watch the man drink himself to death. He turned into a manipulative, dog-kicking, literal sack of shit who no character in jjba could love. He had the mentality that he was the most important person in the world, and that he deserved everything handed to him, but he didnt. He was a horrid person who made up for his life by making it worse. He developes more as the story goes on, but not in any good ways. He continues his descent into being probably the most interesting villain I've seen. Aidan can use more traits that will help him develop as a character, just like Dio. Traits will change how a character is portrayed at every twist and turn. If you give him more negative traits, he'll end up being a villain or anti-hero, if you give him more positive ones, he'll end up like Jonathan Joestar, and be a hero of sorts.)_

Interesting Fact: Aidan has a clicking noise that he does when he's feeling stressed or anxious. He'll stare off with his hands cupped on his mouth and make a clicking noise, not too often but if someone is paying attention to him they will notice. It started when he was in middle school and he has no idea why. (_A sign of Anxiety? Okay, cool. Lots of people have varying degress of anxiety, so his seems to less severe, more like he has had enough interaction with people that it hadn't devolved into something horrible and life destroying. But if you wanna go down the life destroying Anxiety path- Ooooh boy can I ever help with that.)_

Phobia: Explosions. He can't stand the sight of seeing something explode or hearing the sound of an explosion. _(... No explanation? Phobias have a reason, what is his? Always remember- Giving reasons to why certain things are happening will not hinder a character, it will do the exact opposite! It'll help them seem like people, and not two-dimensional things you put on paper.)_

Favorite Things to do: He loves to act, he lives for it actually. He wants to be a bartender, so mixing up drinks and getting feedback is also a like for him. Finally, he loves to swim. It's almost like he would rather live in the water than in real life. (_Alright, alright, I can live with these. I won't be too nit-picky- But just lemme say this- Having things he loves to death is great! But having too many... Eugh.)_

Least Favorite Things to do: Shopping. Shopping for anything just pisses him off. Visit museums or Historical sights. BORING! And lastly, sitting still. He always needs to be doing something, it's a must!

Sexual Orientation: Bisexual. And he doesn't think it's that important of a detail... (_Alright, good to see Bisexual being used, as it's always 'Straight people this! Straight people that!' Since I'm pretty gay it's great to see at least some representation of sexualities that aren't considered the norm. Like, honestly!)_

Virgin?: No. He's done it a few times, man and woman... Also(I hope this is not weird), in a man-man relationship, he likes to be the guy. Lol (_HHHHMMMM... The proper term is 'top', not 'man' as man says that he still thinks of the relationship as something that is strictly between a man and woman. Changing the wording to something to be correct will also help with writers who are queer.)_

Potty Mouth?: Yes he is. Not constantly but he swears a good amount.

Drink?: Even if he's still underage. Yes.

Smoke?: Both Cigarettes and Mary Jane.

Drugs?: If he's at a club or a dope party. With a little convincing, Ecstasy is not out of the question.

Paired up?: It's your story, I am giving you total control.

If so, what's your type?: He honestly just needs a person who is going to understand him and support him, even when he's making dumb decisions. One of his rules however, whether it be girl or guy, is to not date someone that's too feminine. He likes to go out and play sports and active activities with his partners. (_Try doing some research into sexualities and gender, then come back and fix this when you're more informed!)_

Endurance: 6/10

Stamina: 8/10

Flexibility: 2/10

Strength: 8/10

Can you drive?: Yep, he taught himself.

Afraid of heights?: A bit. Nothing that will psych him out however.

Can you swim?: He loves it.

Know how to ride a bike?: Yes he does.

I mainly just copied my application for an OC story that I have recently created this character for. I would much appreciated it if I could get your honest opinion about him and I think it's okay if you write a chapter on him or if you decide not to. I hope you take him into consideration and I will see you around the riverbed. :)

_Overall... That overly distressing backstory can be fixed up, as it puts him into dangerous territory. He's in the almost sue category, so he'll need some help to get back onto the right track. Doing research into what you don't understand will help you develope him, and also help you along the line with future characters. Research will NEVER EVER EVER hurt, and will help SOOOO much. You'll know how to portray certai nthings without being offensive to those who are what you're trying to portray! It'll especially help now that the world is moving forward with feminism, and working towards equality for all, no longer letting middle aged white-men run things- Haha- Listen to me rant about this now of all times- But yeah. Def do research and go to tvtropes to help define him._


	4. Kiki Selena Palm

Is she a Mary Sue? (_If you want the short answer. Yes. Fix her. Long answer below.)_

Name: Kiki Selena Palm

Gender: Female

Age: 16

Stereotype: The Aspiring Rockstar (_Bland stereotype. Been done a million times tbh.)_

Ethnicity: Caucasoid

Body Type: Medium height (5 ft 10 ft), skinny(_In female terms, she's pretty tall. Medium height would be more around 5'7''.)_

Skin Color: Slightly tanned

Hair Color: Blonde with dark pink highlights

Hair Lenght: Just below her knees

Hair Style: Curled and left hanging just below her knees. Put into an updo when in swimwear and party wear.

Eye Shape: Almound shaped

Eye Color: Baby Blue

Everyday Wear: Green tank top with the words," Punk!" In pink, black leather skinny jeans, black leather jacket, black lace up combat boots with pink laces

Formal Wear: Blood red strapless knee Lenght sweet heart neckline dress, black peep toe high heels showing her perfectly made red painted toenails, red fingernail polish, silver necklace

Party Wear: Black pleather strapped knee lenght dress with white hearts, black boots, silver hoop earrings

Swimwear: Black and white polka dot bikini

Accessories: Everyday wear: grey beanie, black butterfly earrings

Sleepwear: Navy blue t-shirt, grey sweatpants, grey beanie (_Seems more like a scene kid then a rockstar. There are so many types of Rock that it'd be silly to just put random things together and pray that it's actually a rockstar thing. She seems like a Glamrock person, so try that.)_

Personality: Smart, assertive, witty, music lover, stubborn, bad (_Just putting words together does not make a personality. You need to describe how they work with each other, and how they affect her. Like 'bad' tells me nothing. All it says is she miiiight be a bad person? Or... Is it her attitude that's bad? Her Way of speaking? What? We just don't know! go into DETAIL! Even if you're not the best writer, writers will be happy for the added details.)_

Tempered

Bio: Kimi is a fun loving, smart, witty and assertive girl who loves music but at times can be stubborn and has a bad temper. She loves anything musical and making her mother/ manager and deceased father proud. She won her first talent show at the age of 6. (_... Okay, now this is into mary-sue territory, sorry to say. So little information. Why is her father dead? What made her pick up music? What kind of manager is mother? HOW DID SHE DEVELOP INTO HER CURRENT SELF!? There's nothing here to work from. Nothing. Zip. Zilch. Fucking nadda. This needs so much I just- I can't-)_

Dislikes: Pressure, drugs (_For every like, have two dislikes.)_

Likes: Music, writing songs, playing the guitar, singing (_Bland. boring. And expected. Does she only live off os music? She doesn't like food? Does she have a favourite movie? Always think of your characters as real people. Never as a character.)_

Fears: Seeing another loved one die from drug abuse or achol abuse, being booed off stage (_So... Did her dad die of... Drug abuse? Wha- I- I UNDERSTAND NOTHING.)_

What kind of people would they be friends with:Creative,funny,awkward, nice, hard working (_LAAAAAAAAME. So she wants to surround herself with people nothing like her? Great, wonderful. Truly spectacular.)_

Kind of enemies: little b****** , haters (_Lame. So fucking predictable and BORING UUUUUUUGH.)_

Relationship: Single but interested

With what kind of person: Sweet, overprotective, lovable, awakard person.

Sexuality: Straight _(I can't get on your case about sexuality, but I can get on your case about who she would like to date- Someone who's awkward and loveable WOULD NOT compliment her at all, and would end in so much heart break it'd be corny and gross. Someone who would suit her from my perspectice, is someone who can balance her out, and not get in her way. Someone who more likely to support her, but not be overly so, someone outgoing like she is, and not awkward. It'd be too difficult for someone like her to work with someone like what you want her to work with.)_

Strengths: Knowledge of music, knowledge of the outdoors, her ability to take charge (_Blah. Stop that. Right now. Stop being overly predictable and perfect in all aspects.)_

Weaknesses: Remembering the death of her dad (_For every strength, add two weaknesses.)_

Talents: playing instruments,singing (_Mary sue. Mary Sue. MARY SUE.)_

Would they flirt: Yeah.

Audition: "Camera turn on. "Hiya! I am Kimi auditioning for Total Drama World Tour! So, I going to sing a song. " *sings Try by Pink!* "Okay and now I shall list reasons. "* grabs random polka dot Afro and puts it on*

" Well I am smart, love the outdoors, liked the show, want to meet new people and travel the world! Yo!" She raps. " So, I hope you pick me!" * blows kiss* " Bye!" The camera turns off.

_Overall. She's a sue. It'd be better to just scrap her and try to make a new character, but if you're hell-bent on keeping her, fix what I've pointed out, and you'll be good. She has too many perfections, and too little imperfections, and that's what makes her a sue._


	5. Tiny thing-

Little announcement so I don't seem like I'm dying already-

I'm only gonna do two-four reviews a day depending on how tired I am. Soo... Sorry if I end up not doing anything else today, 'cause honestly I'm so tired I need a nap.


	6. Deborah Lee Bartley

This OC has become my favorite to submit to SYOC fanfics.

Name: Deborah Lee Bartley

Gender: Obviously Female (_OK. Gonna be a dick about gender- But never EVER EVER put 'obviously' before a gender. It's never obvious. Ever. just put 'female' an be done with it.)_

Age: 17.5

Stereotype: The Workaholic Barista

Appearance: Deborah is unusually short at five feet tall with a petite frame and a noticeable 34C bust. Her skin is a light "peaches and cream" complexion. Her hair is a bright tan and styled into a short, spiky bun with sideswept bangs. It reaches the tips of her shoulders when loose. Her eyes are dishwater grey and often narrowed in concentration that contrasts her small nose and rosy lips. She's so dedicated to her job that she wears her uniform to school so she can drive straight there afterward. Her uniform consists of a black t-shirt that hugs her frame with the "Coffee Time" brown coffee cup logo, khaki capris, black ankle socks and black sneakers.

Backstory: She was born on Prince Edward Island and has since moved many times throughout Canada. She has officially resided in Ottawa, Ontario for 2 years. Her father, 39-year-old Howard Jean Bartley works long hours as a corporate executive for an automobile agency while her mother, 38-year-old Gretchen Josephine Bartley is a defense attorney at a prestigious law firm. The couple were former colleagues who became reckless at their first and only college party resulting in an unexpected pregnancy. They decided to marry out of convenience. They conceived Deb months later and immediately left her in the care of babysitters and relatives while they worked. At first, Deb tried hard to make friends with other kids. However, any time she felt that she was bonding with someone, her father's job would cause her family to be transferred to a new location (usually out-of-state) and she would lose all contact with that person. In her lifetime, she has moved 8 times and had "friends" come and go before finally giving up and focusing on work/school like her parents. She never worried about crushes or went to any school dance. Her teachers however often praise her determination, especially in her home economics class in which she has decided to increase her skill level and build her college application by taking a job at Coffee Time in Ottawa (her home of two years now since she applied the minute she turned 16). Customers love her products and her work ethic but often feel that she pushes herself too hard and doesn't take the time to get to know them as people instead of food/drunk orders. Her coworkers completely agree. _(Well-written, details her life well, doesn't fosuc on one thing too much, talks about her family and school life. Imo, pretty dang good! Despite it being short, it's still good. Nothing I can point out!)_

Personality: Deb is one of the most hard-working teenagers that you could ever meet. At school, she puts much of her time into her studies and less time developing long-lasting friendships with her peers. Her efforts have lead her to become an A-student though not many people her age can relate to her. She's an avid reader and Anime/manga fan, often spending lunch time reading series such as Fruits Basket, Naruto, One Piece, Sand Chronicles and NANA. It's her way of temporarily escaping from reality. Like Courtney, she strives to do her best at whatever she tries despite not always succeeding (in the case of art, chemistry and physical education class, where her gym coach often gets frustrated by her overexerting herself). She's one of the best baristas in town simply for the fact that she goes above and beyond to clean her workspace and satisfy the customer without being personable with them like other baristas. She even bakes the pastries herself! Her coworkers have sent in an application in order for her to take a break from work for a while and use up the huge amount of vacation time that she accumulated (she has been employed for 1.5 years and HAS NEVER TAKEN A DAY OFF). She has also admitted offhand to her manager that she wouldn't mind making friends with more people her age. Positively she is mature, persistent, intelligent, good at baking/making delicious beverages out of little ingredients and a "do-er". Negatively she is awkward around other teenagers, prone to physically overexerting herself (which results in passing out sometimes), can be short with other people without meaning to, strict about work-related criteria and has a rough time "chilling out" like her beloved customers. (_Alright! She seems well balanced, an it seems like you put some pretty good thought into her! She has more then two traits, but because of her stereotype you focus more on her hard-working trait. Maybe try a bit more with the less explained traits? Like her awkwardness with other teens. Does she stutter? Or is it more of a she doesn't get what to say? Maybe she fidgets constantly while around them? Is more clumsy? Awkward can mean many things! Other then that, it's well-written and just... good!)_

Likes: Shades of green, smooth jazz and light-hearted music, Anime/manga, sweet foods, the smell of coffee and cinnamon, her teachers, going the extra mile at school/work, mystery novels, busy places, Immersing herself in her work, libraries, baking and spring/autumn weather. (_Lots of likes, all of them varied and not stricly about her stereotype but enough to show that, yeah, she's a workaholic. I wouldn't change a thing.)_

Dislikes: Overly bright colors, rock/heavy metal, laziness, watching movies for an extended period of time, salty/bitter foods, the smell of nail polish/hair products, her peers (mostly due to the fact that she doesn't understand them), her parents' working lifestyles, chemistry, arts & humanities, passing out, vermin/insects, feeling useless and unsatisfied customers. (_What is said in her likes. Just fab.)_

Strengths: She's a decent runner and good at dodging upcoming projectiles since she's used to quickly weaving by crowds and coworkers. She's also a great chef who has made her own meals at home for as long as she can remember. Her intellect also isn't something to be scoffed at. (_Ok, ok, this doesnt say she's 'perfect' at these things, and I like it. It says these are what she's good at, but she isnt 'perfect'. It's great!)_

Weaknesses: She's not the strongest or the most socially graceful. She has a tendency to overwork herself to the point of passing out. She can't sing in-key, play any musical instrument or sit still for a lengthy period of time.

Fears: She's afraid of becoming close to other people since every friend she ever made either moved away or lost touch with her after she moved away. She also has a fear of vermin (rats, mice, cockroaches, etc) due to a mouse biting her on the hand when she reached under a crawlspace to retrieve a dropped stirring spoon at work. She had to be tested for a variety of diseases and miss the rest of her shift. She refuses to "let her team down like that again". (_Fears that are looked into and well written- Honestly, I'm already giving Deb a 10/10.)_

Audition Tape: The setting is inside a coffeehouse with tables, a shelf of books, a fireplace with a sofa in front and a register/coffee-making bar. You see a small blur of tan hair in different places sweeping one part, refilling milk carafes, pulling brownies out if the oven, etc. A group of teenagers and an older woman in brown aprons and caps come into view. The tallest guy, a buzzcut blonde named Jason, points in the blurred direction.

Jason: "You see that? That's our coworker Deb. This is how she works her shift EVERY DAY. EVERY DAY."

A short Asian girl named Cynthia joins in.

Cynthia: "She's OUR age and it's a crime that she's already doing the work of ten baristas here. She should be going on dates and having fun."

Another girl with blonde&brown crimped hair named Miranda scoffs.

Miranda: "She really needs to chill out and be a normal teenager for a change. It's making us all look bad!"

The older woman named Brenda finally comes forward.

Brenda: Not to mention that she has almost 3 months worth of vacation time already. As her manager, I'm giving her permission to take time off and-".

Miranda: "And get her out of our hair!"

Jason and Cynthia grin and nod in agreement as Deb stops her blurred motions and approaches the group.

Deb: "Alright, Brenda! I remade the coffees, changed out the creams, baked the brownies, wiped down the counters, stocked the condiment bar, shook the rugs, dusted the furniture and recounted the till. Is there anything else?"

Brenda puts a hand on Deb's shoulder while exasperatedly saying, "No, not that I can think of right now..."

She leads her away while the other three look at the camera while mouthing the words "Pick her" and making praying motions with their hands.

_Overall... Deb is just- Wow. I like her personally, and the score of 10/10 I gave earlier just says that shes a good character. Well rounded, doesn't focus too much on her stereotype and gives her the freedom of being a person alongside her stereotype, and not being her stereotype. And honestly the only thing I'd change even the slighest bit is her 'awkward' trait. As someone who has observed the awkward trait in many people and been able to pinpoint the cause of each one by gestures alone, it'd be really helpful to deb if you were to add a tiny bit on what she's like when she's around other teens. Even the smallest of things can scream 'hey! hey! I'm really fucking bad at being around these types of people!'. She is not a sue by any means of the word, good job!_


	7. Madison Paige Gardner

Jun 7Full Name:Madison Paige Gardner

Nickname (s): madi

Personality (Remember, 5 lines or over): Madison is the type of girl that doesn't lash out at anyone for nothing. If someone tells her she's beautiful she'll blush but she'll know if it's for show or for real. She is shy around guys who she thinks are cute. She's also the typical Hawaiian girl and she's really sweet. When needed be, she will manipulate people to get where she wants _(Alright, first off- Five lines is generally seen as five sentences. There is no such thing as a 'Typical Hawaiian girl', just as there is no 'typical girl' other then what middle aged white men think one is and tell teenage white boys one is. She's boring, and has TWO traits that DO NOT go together. They contradict so badly that it'd only work if she were two faced and maniplating under a mask of cuteness. I've seen it done before- It's honestly really well done in the current TD story I'm following[Go read Total Drama Resort by KaidaThorn if you wanna see it in action]. But if you really do mean she's really for sure a sweet girl but uses manipulation for the shits and the giggles, then that's just... MEHMEHMEHMEH. Add more traits to her as well. Having jsut two traits that are barely explained is really boring and will hinder her more then help in an scenario. An example of a character who follows the cute trope, look at Alluka Zoldyck. She follows it very well, but still has her own personality and isn't jsut 'super cute all the time awwaww'. Hell naw she's interesting and has way more traits.)_

Bio (Remember, 5 lines or over): Madison grew up in a perfect home where her parents loved her but they were never around her. She then had to join different extra curricular activities at her school to maintain her friendships. She joined fire twirling, the hula dancing team, the glee club. She did gymnastics and learned guitar on her own. Her parents would always leave money for her to eat and do other stuff and pay for her classes _(... Ok. Okay. OOOOOKAAAAAYYY... Being too good at too many things is just- Like, I'm sure there are people out there who can do this stuff- BUT THEY ARE USUALLY IN THEIR ADULT YEARS. NOT FUCKING 17. Christ almighty this is... Alright, I'm gonna be frank with you here, this is... It's not good. It needs work on detailing more then jsut the good things in life. Life isn't always peaches and cream, it ahs road bumpb, and when it doesnt, you get someone like heather. She expects life to be handed to her on a silver platter, but isn't above getting her hands dirty to fuck over someone else. Your character is just... She's not real. She's fake. So fake it hurts my character loving soul to it's very core.)_

Gender: female

Age (16-18): 17

Stereotype: the active, shy Hawaiian girl (_Too many words. Stereotypes are short and sweet, like Geoffs 'The Party Animal' or w/e.)_

Sexuality: straight

Ethnicity: Hawaiian/American (_Take away the 'American' part. Hawaii is apart of america from what I remember, so it's redundant to have it there.)_

Normal Clothing (Please be as detailed as you want, the more you write the more likely you are to get in): Madison wears a black tank top, a pair of white short shorts (like heathers), and she'd also wear some white flats

Swimwear: she wears a teal two piece with a strapless top and her hair is pulled back in a long ponytail

Sleepwear: a white tank top and pink shorts and her hair is in two braids (like Anna's from frozen)

Formal: a black strapless dress. At the bottom, it slants from right to left (it'll be higher, to her mid thigh, on the right. Then it slants to the left, down to her mid calf on the left) she also wears silver stilettos and her hair would be curled and pulled over to go over her right shoulder and she'd wear her Hawaiian flower in her hair on the letter side

Jewelry: a necklace with a flower that means friends forever that her best friend gave before she died of a car accident _(... She... She had a best friend? WHY WASNT I INFORMED OF THIS IN HER BACKSTORY? WHAT I... I... /lays down/)_

Accessories: a Hawaiian flower that she always wears except for swimming

Tattoos: none

Body Type: skinny but fit

Height: 5' 4"

Weight: 146 lbs(_This weight is more chubby then skinny.)_

Eye Shape: her eyes look like heathers

Eye Color: sky blue

What Kind Of Smile: a warm smile that would lighten up anyone's day (_MMMM NOT GONNA SAY IT. NOT GONNA SAY IT)_

Hair Color: dark brown with blonde highlights

Hair Style: it's straightened and it goes down to her mid back and bangs the go across her forehead

Skin Color: sun kissed tan

Do They Drink Alcohol: no

Likes (At Least 3 Words): cute boys, singing, playing guitar, hula dancing, and fire twirling

Dislikes (At Least 3 Words): people who are over confident, guys who like her for just her looks, bad sportsmanship, and anyone who acts like Alejandro, heather, or lightning _(THERE ISNT MUCH TO LIKE OTHER THEN HER APPEARENCE NGL)_

_Overall- Needs so, so much work. I'd suggest scraping her and starting anew, as she's in sue territory with nothing to help her climb out. But if you want to keep her, fix what I've pointed out and you should? be fine. Tvtropes is godsend for people having trouble, sersiously. tvtropes people._


	8. Jaina Loraine Curtis

After reading your reviews and opinions on everyone's OCs, I've started questioning EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER I'VE EVER CREATED. EVER. So, I'm just gonna test one of them. (I_'ll do my best to help you out if this one comes out with unsatisfactory results!)_

Is she a Mary-Sue?

Name: Jaina Loraine Curtis

Gender: Female

Age: 17

Nickname: N/A

Hometown: Culpeper, Virginia

Sexuality: Bisexual

Body Type: Average hip size, with a slightly larger chest area than normal teens her age. She doesn't look very muscular, but you can see them if you look close enough.

Facial Appearance: Pale skin with a large scar on her face that runs from her left ear to her jaw. Her left eye is chocolate brown, while the other is forest green.

Hair color/style: Long, straight, mocha brown hair that reaches her butt. A large section of her hair covers the left side of her face.

Everyday Clothes: An aqua blue tube top that reveals her belly button (which has a piercing), black skinny jeans, and matching black converse shoes. Her right ear is pierced with an aqua blue hoop earring. She also wears fingerless gloves that match her top, and she NEVER takes them off. EVER.

Swimwear: A blue one-piece swimsuit with an opening that reveals her belly button. And guess what else? She's STILL wearing her fingerless gloves.

Pajamas: An overly large black t-shirt with the Nirvana band advertised on it. And I'm pretty sure you can guess what's on her hands...that's right, the gloves! (She seriously only takes them off to wash either her hands or the gloves themselves_) (I honestly can't say much about designs and such, since I rarely go out to look in stores- So I'll give it an A :D )_

Personality: Jaina is a born fighter. She has a VERY short temper, and won't hesitate to hit or tackle anyone who makes her mad. She's also very perspective and decisive, which helps her create foolproof plans and strategies. Jaina can also be pretty blunt at times, and also knows how to push someone's buttons. Despite all this, however, she's not a bad person. She always wants to do what's right, especially when something is morally wrong. And at times, she can also be caring towards others, even if it's someone she may despise. (_seven traits in total. It's a good amount, but they aren't explained much, and seems to contradict every now and again. Better wording might be...- Jaina was born to fight, her instinct tells her to be ready for the worst of the worst, and crawl her way out of the pit she's likely dug for herself. Being a blunt person by nature, Jaina often gets herself into trouble due to how easily she says the wrong thing, or how she is just too honest for her own good. Her temper also plays a part in this, as it's short and will go off at the smallest of triggers. all of this combined makes for a distressing person, but don't get her wrong, she has all the best intentions, really she does! She's jsut not the best at showing that. - Or, uh, something... I'm not sully sure how to phase msot things, haha! But! You gotta connect traits when they contradict, show people how they can work hand-in-hand rather then be pit against each other. As I always say, think about it as a person, think about how a person would act if they had these traits. Maybe a friend even has some of then and you can observe them when you have the time? I know it sounds creepy, but people watching is natural, and is one of the best ways to create a character who is believeable... Just be sure not to stare too long or you'll get yelled at or asked if you were attracted to the person you were staring at.)_

History/Backstory: Jaina grew up in a small town in Virginia. When she was only two months old, her mother abandoned her and her father, Roger, for another man. Since Jaina's dad was a mechanic, they didn't have much money. It didn't help that he later adopted his son, Reese, when Jaina was four. So growing up, life was very hard for the young girl. One day, when she was thirteen, she came across a fight ring and decided to compete. Surprisingly, after a long and hard fight (where she got her scar), she won and received $100 as prize money. She's been competing and earning money for her family ever since. (It's very short, doesn't give much insight to how she became herself, and only offers enough to say.. Oh, uh? Cool. Okay. And nothing else. She doesn't stand out with something like this. If you took some time to think about this more, it'd totally be great, I'm sure.

Likes: Fighting, doing what's right, creating plans and strategies, horror movies, and heavy metal music. _(I didn't mention it earlier, but making her strong and smart isn't... Exactly the best. It can work when done right, yeah, but as she is now, Jaina does not work as both of these. I'm gonna offer some insight into personalities here, so if you wanna skip the, most likely, long read, scroll to her dislikes. Now, There are a few characters I can name off the top of my head who are strong and smart, but they have a tremendous draw back that will make them lose more then win, it made them human. The best example I can think of is Jonathan Joestar(Shush I'm a Jojo fan ok). He's got the body of a long-time body builder, and is the smartest person aside from Dio Brando within the Phantom Blood. Now, what might his draw back be? That's easy. He's overly caring, and will sacrifice himself so that others may live, which isn't the brightest idea considering he was partly in fault for helping give Dio that extra push towards becoming a vampire menace on the world and was one of the few who could defeat him early on- Ok, wait I got off topic- What I'm syaing here is his strength and knowledge will only go as far as his heart will let them. If he feels something for someone, he will hold back while fighting them, and not deal a killing blow like he knows he should. He loves too much, and it has caused him more heartache, and death, then he would have liked. So, what is Jaina's draw back? What makes her stutter when confronted? What will be her undoing? Will it be her anger, or something else? I know these are very Shounen-esqe questions to be asking, but all in all, it will help a lot with fighters. No one is perfect, even while being born to do something.)_

Dislikes: Losing miserably, anyone who pushes her buttons (and she's got a LOT of them), backstabbers, romance movies/chick-flicks, and makeup. _(For every one like, have two dislikes. I know it seems like a lot, but sersiouly, it will help.)_

Fears: Knives, because at one of her fights someone snuck in a knife and tried to stab her. Luckily she beat him, but she's been wary around knives ever since. (_Believable.)_

Strengths: Her strength, agility, quick reflexes, and strong mind (from fighting). Also, her occasional kindness. _(HMM. This is where I start going HMMMMMM a lot. She has too many perfections, take some away, or make them into silly ones, like... 'Can make the best damn strawberry smoothie this side of [insert name of place here]', or 'Isn't afraid of microwaves'. I know if I saw something like that, I'd die laughing and accept the person on the spot.)_

Weaknesses: Her short temper, her bluntness, and the way she pushes people's buttons (only to people she hates, of course). (_As I seem to enjoy to say, for every strength, have two weaknesses, or at the very least, one for each strength.)_

Who they get along with: People who share some of her interests, and can support her in her ideas.

Strategy: To follow her morals, while at the same time beating the snot out of people if and/or when necessary.

In a relationship?: No

If not, do they want a relationship?: Sure, who doesn't want to find love? But she worries that people won't want to get to know her due to her tough nature.

Who do they want a relationship with?: A guy or gal that can keep her temper under control and can understand her on a deeper level. (_Quietly applauds.)_

Why they should win the million: Because she's a strong competitor, but knows where her priorities are.

AUDITION TAPE: The camera turns on to see several bulky men standing in front of the lens, cheering and shouting at what they were witnessing. The crowd then splits, revealing Jaina locking another muscled man in a headlock. Not looking at the camera, she says slightly strained, "Hey, the name's Jaina." She slams the man on the ground, then picks him up on her shoulders. "I think you guys should let me on your show because - wait, hold on." Jaina then adjusts the man so that she's holding him by the ankle, then spins him around and throws him at a nearby wall. He hits it with a large "WAM", creating a large crack in the brick wall. Panting but smiling in triumph, she yells over the cheering crowd, "That, right there, is why you should accept me for your show! I've also got a few tricks up my sleeve, so watch out for me!" The camera then fades to black.

_Overall- She needs work. She is under developed, and is very bland by character types. She falls into the 'strong girl' trope, which has been done a lot. If you want to make a strong girl, show that she's not the same as the other 50 million that exist. I can offer only my own character, Jane Balan, as an example of this trope being done okayly. If you want to see her, to see how to do a type of tough girl, I'll be happy to share her(After I;'ve re-written her, that is. My old writing was not the best) Or I can look around in the anime I've watched for a strong girl who does it right, and do an analysis on them too. This goes for everyone- If you want examples, I'm more then open to writing them up. So, again, work on her. Right now she's in dangerous territory._

_Also, sorry for being gone for so long. I didn't have stable internet, but now I do and I'll be sure to get through al the ones that I'm behind on soon! Sorry for such a long wait, jeepers. i hope the mild humour to come will assist in being forgiven._


	9. Jasmine Steele

Is she a Mary Sue or not? Also, her backstory is kinda bugging me. (_Short answer, yes she is. She needs to have more points added to her backstory, and have actual time references for the events that occur. Without them, it's messy and hard to take seriously. It also needs to focus less on her angsty-ness. We get it, honestly, she's had a tough life, great, wonderful.)_

Name: Jasmine Steele

Gender: Female

Age: 17

Sexuality: Lesbian (closeted)

Stereotype: (this sounds really cliché): The Sensitive Rocker (_Another thing that's been done to death. Guys. GUYS. We gotta have a serious chat here, like, seriously. I'll teach ya'll how to use a thesaurus.)_

Where are they from: A small town near Miami, Florida

(Physical appearance)

Hair: Black, Always tied up in a bushy ponytail (except for when she sleeps) which reaches her shoulders, with some hair covering her left eye. When loose, her hair reaches her mid-back.

Eye: Bright green.

Skin tone: Slightly tanned

Body design: Medium length (5,6ft), Athletic, Average bust size.

(Attire)

Normal clothing: She wears a black t-shirt with a white skull printed on it. Over that, she wears a denim jacket with ripped off sleeves, red shorts and white running shoes.

Swim wear: a simple red bikini

Sleep wear: black lingerie

Accessories: none

(Facts)

Personality: Jasmine is a loud, energetic, tomboyish, and fun-loving girl with a pretty long temper and a bit of an attitude. She is kind and gentle to everyone (who is nice to her), but behind her usual behavior she has another side which she only shows when she's sad, afraid, in love or when somebody asks questions regarding her past. In reality, she is actually really shy, sensitive and unsure of herself. She usually hides this side and pretends like she's okay. The biggest reason for her insecurity is her sexuality, which is her biggest secret. She is scared to death of somebody finding out she's gay and will do anything to keep it a secret to others. Despite her own problems, she's always there to support her freinds. _(Okay, so I usually start writing after I've read over the entire personality two-three times to make sure I don't miss-read anything- But I didn't make it passed the initial sentence and I'm cringing. I know making lists is really helpful, and pretty organized, but if you need to make a list- Erase it AFTER you've writen the full personality, as the lists make you look lazy, no matter how great what follows is. I guess this could count as a pet-peeve, but it is honestly something writers look at really really hard. This is a lesson for you all- Even if you have the best damn personality ever, listing traits will make it seem less... Monumental. Now I'm actually gonna read the rest._

_Alright. I've read it fully now and... I don't have anything good to say. Her personality is bland, and you may have thought that making her gay would add onto her angcty 'Oh no, I'm so shy! But I act tough!' thing. But it didn't. It made it seem more like a plot point rather then a legit thing. Like... I dunno. But take it out of her personality, as it would fits a million times better in her backstory, since being gay isn't a personality trait that can be learned, and then unlearnt like actual personality traits can be._

_Onto the rest of her, though. There is... Very little. And as I've said many, many, times, you did not connect her traits. At all. They are jsut there pushing against each other as if they were antsy children at a family gathering. Connect the traits, otherwise there will be jack-shit for writers to work off of. Aaaalso... She is yuck. That is all I have to say since her traits need a lot of work, and should be replaced by other ones. We have a ton of 'Bad-girl who's actually sweet' characters out there, we don't need anymore. Tvtropes will help you pick out a different trope. Just find a trope page for your favourite show and click the names of thing sthat look interesting to you and then come back and talk to me.)_

Back story: Born and raised in a small village near Miami, Jasmine was born as the daughter of an American father and an Italian mother. Her mother firmly believed she was a descendant of some Italian prince and raised her daughters to be like proper ladies. While her twin sister happily obliged, Jasmine didn't want this lifestyle at all. When she was 6, her parents divorced and her mother and twin sister went back to Italy, causing her to be raised by her father.

When she attended high school, she eventually discovered her sexuality. And she eventually came out. While her father seemed to accept her, soon enough her entire school knew about it, causing her to go lose her former freinds and caused her to go from semi-popular to being the victim of severe bullying. Eventually, she got helped out by her teachers and the bullying stopped, but the impact it created caused her to get her insecure side she still has to this day on. (Bad bio, I know) _(/pats/ It does need work. A lot. Like... It kinda makes it seem like you're making her the b word, which I am not at will to say as I am not a lesbian and I feel since it is their word, I have no right to go about saying it. And how early did she come to terms with her sexuality? Was it really early on? Or was it more towards her current age? this is an important thing when having a sexuality be and fucking plot point(Which it really shouldn't be, even if it caused her emotional pain, she shouldn't rely on it for shitty angsting, an her backstory should have more... points, where other things have happened. Like there are never so few interesting things to a person. Focusing on the bad things, or the things she doesnt like, will make her into a bad character that requires pity to function. You don't want that, do you? Do you want to have to feed off of another persons pity for the entirety of her life? Or do you want her to be interesting and a woobie who needs to be taken care of? That's all I have to say.)_

Likes: Guitar playing, performing, gaming, swimming, the stars, sports, girls, music, sweets, cute animals. (_She's a lesbian. We get it. Having a sexuality that isn't straight doesn't mean you have to constantly reference it- Something you can fix here is change girls to maybe... her type of girl? or girls that she finds herself saying 'wow- she's pretty! i love [insert aesthetic here]'? Don't. Be. Vague.)_

Dislikes: Girly stuff, the color pink, R&B and country music, heights, lemonade, thunderstorms, homophobes, being lied to, the fact that she's an insomniac, her past. (_10 likes, 10 dislikes. It's even, so I can't get on you about this.)_

Talents: She can play electric and acoustic guitar (but can't sing for s***). _(You should usually reference how she learned in her backstory, cause if you don't you're leaving out something that makes her, her.)_

Strengths: Her Musical Skill, Her determination, her photographic memory. (_Since when did she have an idetic memory? This is... Something you should mention earlier. Like in her personality.)_

Weakness: Her singing voice, Her perfectionism, Her naivety, practically useless when she's sad.

Fears: people finding out she's a lesbian. (_LOUD HMMMMMMING IN THE DISTANCE. She doesn't want people to find out she's gay 'cause she was teased for it, but isn't she afraid of ANYTHING else? I know you mentioned she didn't like heights, so maybe have that here too? Like... Keep it consistant maybe?)_

Hobbies: Guitar play, gaming, stargazing.

Relationship yes or no: Sure

If yes then with who: A nice and sweet girl who can help her come out.

Who would they be friends with: Fellow music-lovers, shy guys/girls, people who are genrally nice to her.

Who would they be enemies with: b*tches, liars, 'girly girls', strategizers, hipsters, homophobes. (_MMMMM. I GET THAT PEOPLE DONT LIKE ASSHOLE CHARACTERS. I DO. BUT EVERY CHARACTER AND THEIR GRANDMOTHER HAS 'BITCHES' IN THE DONT LIKE CATEGORY. IM SICK OF IT /creates a million assholes and 'bitches' out of spite/)_

Audition Tape: The camera shows a girl sitting on her bed with a guitar on her lap. She is polishing the instrument, when she suddenly notices the camera is filming. She puts the guitar away and looks straight at the camera.

"Hey host guy, the name's Jasmine! You'd better remember it, cause I'm winning this s***!" she speaks in a voice full of confidence "I understand that you need new teens to torture for your entertainment, so I'm here to sign up. Meet you at the island." She throws up a peace sign before shutting off the camera.

_Overall... /LOUD CRYING DONUT NOISES/ IT FOCUSES TOO MUCH ON HER SEXUALITY. IM. IM SORRY IF YOU THINK YOU KNOW SHIT ABOUT THIS TOPIC, BUT IT SEEMS VERY APPARENT TO ME THAT YOU DO NOT. FOCUS MORE ON HER PERSONALITY, NOT HER SEXUALITY. I HAVE A LESBIAN CHARACTER WHO IS AN UTTER SWEETIE PIE, BUT HER SEXUALITY IS MENTIONED ONCE IN HER ENTIRE SKELETON. ONE FUCKING TIME. _

_REPEAT AFTER ME EVERYONE._

_SEXUALITY DOES NOT MAKE AN ENTIRE CHARACTER. NOR DOES IT MAKE THEM MORE INTERESTING._

_Okay. I'm done. Sorry. Seriously- Do not treat anyone, even characters, like the only interesting thing about them is their sexuality. Gay people, Pan people, Ace/Aro people, Bi people, Trans people, Non-Binary people, they are all jsut people. Their sexualities and gender identity do not make or break them. Thank you, and goodnight._


	10. Another Update

Alright, alright, alright. Due to a complaint(Not the most recent one, but one done without my knowledge until just a few days ago-) I will no longer be accepting submissions via review. I ask that you send all future submissions via PM as it will keep this story up longer, and it will make it ever so slightly more organized. Thanks for reading, and sorry for lack of updates. I have somehow gotten a social life within the last two weeks both in real life, and on sudomemo. Lucky me.


End file.
